ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

FALLING IN LOVE WITH LOVE.

FALLING IN LOVE WITH LOVE.

If we choose to solely focus upon that which we feel for another.

The feelings that arise when we think, contact or relate to another.

We are falling in love with a temporary state or an illusion as such.

For we aren’t our feelings they are reactions.

That which we see in another is a mirror of us so our feelings, from my perception stem from our relationship with self.

When we can connect with another and feel that flow, we feel understood and this feels good.

We can see ourselves in them and this can create a bleed through if we aren’t aware that we aren’t our feelings and what we feel isn’t them or the basis of the “relationship.”

We are falling in or out of love with parts of self in that moment in the mirrored other.

Until we accept ourself fully in our vast array of colours, waves, perfections, imperfections and states, we can run the risk of the push and pull dynamic, dependency, rejection, conditions and attachments in a relationship.

Two halves merges into a whole.

Two wholes intertwine and rise.

Seeing someone in their wholeness, all colours, all flavours, with no attachment to who they are or should be allows for us the see the genuine other in their truth at each given moment.

I see you.

I hear you.

I feel you.

We are love, it’s not something that is found or fought for.

It’s our natural state.

In fullness.

Wholeness.

In laughter and pain.

Love doesn’t waver.

It just is.

Bec Hart.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

THEY SAID I WAS CRAZY.

THEY SAID I WAS CRAZY.

They said I was crazy, I used to believe them.

I stripped my whole being down in an attempt to fix my insanity.

I drank to hide my insanity, the alcohol fuelled my anger and pain yet numbed my craziness.

I stayed in unhealthy relationships as they were the only ones who would want someone who’s crazy, this is what I was told, this I believed.

I disowned myself as there was something so seriously wrong with me. I was crazy I had been told by many.

I was unloveable and I would never be happy as I was crazy, who would want me. I held on feared letting go, I broke into many pieces a shell of myself, I felt crazy.

I wasn’t to speak out or I’d be shut down and have it reaffirmed that I was crazy, psycho, lying again, something seriously wrong with me.

I was angry, rageful, unhinged each time I was broken beyond my limit. Again something very wrong with me because I should accept I was crazy and sit in a corner quiet, pretty, unheard.

I took ownership of my own ship, I chose self love.

I started to see the truth – I was a game changer, I see life through a different lens, I am here to create change, stand strong, be seen and heard!

Crazy is actually sanity, sanity in an environment of denial.

I wasn’t crazy I was seeing and feeling through an illusion that others did not wish to see.

I was telling truths when others were denying reality, it’s easier to call someone crazy than to take ownership, face change.

Change is scary, fear takes over, it’s not me its you – you’re crazy!

You show your emotions oh well here’s a label, “you’re crazy.”

It’s time to wake up, to take back our power and realise if we’ve ever been labelled as crazy, it’s because we are seen as different.

We open eyes, we speak and live a truth that triggers people into feeling their hidden pain, wounding, authenticity.

That’s difficult for some to accept so it’s easier to shut us down, strip us of our dignity and label us rather than admit they are scared, in pain, lost and also feeling disconnected. Something that both are feeling simultaneously.

We can choose to keep ourselves locked in this cycle of feeling like there’s something wrong with us, seeking validation, projecting, self harming, victim vs perpetrator, being a label, fitting in, seeking the invisible.

Or we can embrace that being true to ourselves, original, authentic, honest, sensitive – isn’t crazy, it’s craze free.

How do you see me, I am merely your mirror?

Crazy or craze free!

Bec Hart.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

I’M A WARRIOR.

I’M A WARRIOR.

I don’t need to be told who I am.
I already know who I am.
For it’s taken me a long time of pretending to be everything that I am not, to get here.
Walls torn down.
Tower cracked to pieces.
Body bled out.
Self induced poison neutralised.
Forgiveness the element of peace.

Foundations built on solid ground.
Body layed bare.
Exposed, open, honest, passionate.
A mirror of truth.
Do you like what you see.
Do you project and glare.
Do you undress me with your eyes.
Down boy, I’m here and you’re not there.

I need not to be told my strengths and weaknesses.
For I know myself deeper than the ocean.
I know my capabilities.
My imperfections.
I accept all of me.
Of this I’m sure you see.

Love vibrates at my deepest core.
I need not explain myself anymore.
Nor make apologies for speaking out.
In a world that promotes ladies being seen and not heard.
I am here to say, I am here to be heard and seen.
I say this loud and clear.
I make no apologies.
Sometimes silence speaks the loudest words.

I’m built of self respect.
I am filled and flowing with all colours.
I am here to be love.
To understand.
To peacemake.
To be true.
Yet to speak out all at the same time.
That’s what warriors do.

I’m here as I am.
Take me or leave me.
This is your personal choice.
I am a warrior.
You may as well give up the fight.
Embrace your truth and self.
Lay down the war within without.
Declare you are a warrior too.

Bec Hart.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

WHEN YOU CAN’T SEE THE TRUTH.

Sometimes when wounds are so deep and so deeply buried we can’t actually see them until our teachers, life mirrors reinact the scenario for us to truly “see.”

Yesterday I did a video on standing in my power and boundaries, it was like going backwards through the steps to see what on earth was going on. After it still falling on deaf ears I was getting seriously frustrated and feeling separation although I wasn’t getting lost in it like the beginning of April when this came up then.

I affirmed to myself, I’m here I’m not going to lose myself. Whilst opening my heart, falling deeper into self love and knowing regardless of what was occurring, we are all equal.

Asking the question what am I being shown, what’s the higher perspective.

All along I’d been wondering if it’s my mirror and couldn’t seem to feel what I was being shown because I was looking at it from a totally different angle.

In reality, I hadn’t forgiven myself for shutting down and going into a constant freeze state from when I was in a relationship where no wouldn’t be taken as an answer. Thus attracting in situations where I wasn’t being heard, seen and was being constantly bombarded with unwanted advances, (mirrored experience).

I was being shown that my past was causing separation within myself therefore without.

Buried trauma isn’t always very accessible, it takes a lot of courage, patience and triggering to see and delve into those dark hidden parts, to find the terror ridden child, adult etc. So it’s not so much about new patterns or a new way of being or that we are going backwards, it’s more the light flooding the darkness to reveal that which we’ve repressed, numbed and denied within self.

To hold, forgive and be with ourselves once again, just as we were before, yet with a little more light, insight and wisdom. Patience, kindness and compassion for self. There is no rush.

Submerging into deeper self love, deeper forgiveness and acceptance.
Knowing all of our answers, healing, codes and light lie deep within ourselves.

Always a lesson 🙏❤ Blessings in disguise.

Much love.

Bec Hart.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

TRAUMA RESPONSE VS A NEW WAY OF BEING.

TRAUMA RESPONSE VS A NEW WAY OF BEING.

Why choose to see things my way when I can see things our way.
In every moment we can choose to look at life from a new perspective, through the eyes of a child, with intrigue, interest.
Through the eyes of another as we are all.
We are all versions of self, mirrors from past, present, future.
Choosing to see ourselves in another, their essence of love.
Allowing a beautiful journey of personal self love to unfold; compassion, acceptance, non judgement, forgiveness.
A flower opening to the sun, ready to bloom.
We can be the one we needed as well as the one we are.
Today I choose to see life through a new lens, a life in the new.
There’s nothing to survive anymore yet everything to live for.

Bec Hart.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

I UNDERSTAND.

I UNDERSTAND.

I understand as I have been each and all in this game of life.

I’ve worn the t-shirt, held a knife.

The blade held upon my arm, to torture myself to cause harm.

The shame, the blame, the guilt, the fear.

I couldn’t love I wore destruction, poured tears.

I wanted to die, I projected pain, I cheated, I lied.

I was Mans Mother’s biggest fear.

I seduced and manipulated, hid the proof.

Worthlessness, pain, the hidden truth.

A victim of torture for most of my life.

Yet also the perpetrator, in this game called life.

So when you look at my light and say, “She’s so bright.”

It’s because I’ve known pain, since childhood.

It birthed my light.

It’s so easy for us to acknowledge the light we hold but today I really want to explore my darkness, I feel it’s time for radical honesty, truth.

In my life I have really been extremely co-dependant, love addicted, obsessed to a point – always wanting what I couldn’t have, it became a challenge. This was to try and hide from my pain, you see when you put your life in the hands of another you don’t really have to take ownership do you. I wasn’t consciously aware of this at the time but I am now. In this co-dependency there had always been so much manipulation to get my own way, to hide from the truth and to deny seeking love elsewhere when the voids weren’t filled any longer.

In my life I have projected pain onto others, lashing out, judging, gossiping, at times quite venomous and apathetic. The constant arguments, the drink fuelled nights to try and numb myself so I didn’t have to truly feel or face reality.

I stayed in extremely unhealthy relationships as I feared being alone, scared to face all I had been told and shown which was that I was not enough, unlovable, thick, fat, bad.

In my life I have been a victim I have been bullied, beaten, raped, used, judged, objectified. I have been punished for things I didn’t do. I have been lied to, denied my truth, left to die. I handed my power and worth over like it didn’t mean a thing because that to me was love.

Long gone are these days but the imprint is still visible, until I speak my truth.

I raped myself through not knowing how to love myself, to be myself, to honour myself.

I take full responsibility for all.

As I merge my shadow and light, my masculine and feminine, I notice that all I was flashes before me. I see it in others, yet I the mirror, the amplifier. I don’t react or judge as I too have been each and all, I do however speak my truth.

It takes a strong person to accept an honest person, someone who isn’t afraid to speak their truth, to say no, to not agree with what is said and be respectful back.

It takes a strong person to admit their faults, their self hatred and uproot all of their wounds. Knowing they will be judged, seen as crazy, unhinged, mentally ill.

It takes a warrior to be naked, raw, vulnerable, to lay bare in the deepest darkness to heal, breathe, live and truly love.

Let us all be strong, let us all be warriors.

For in the darkness, there is pure light.

Through judgement there is understanding.

Through self hate there is the deepest love.

Through honesty, you find truth, respect and worth.

It takes strength to stand in your power and be accountable.

I see I was both victim and perpetrator and everything in-between.

Today I am truth, I won’t deny myself any longer.

I accept all of me.

I’m not perfect, never will be.

I won’t lose myself again.

I shan’t deny myself.

Of this I promise myself.

I just fall deeper and deeper into self love.

Accepting all of me.

A flower opening, to see the sun.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

YOU ARE STRONG.

YOU ARE STRONG.

Triggers are blessings.
Yet they feel so raw.
To sit in the dark
In the depth.
Takes strength.
You are strong.

To allow emotions to be felt.
No probing.
No loss of self.
No judgement.
All pain exposed.
To sit with yourself.
You are strong.

To allow the raw, aching heart to break.
To speak, for it does speak.
It yearns to be heard.
It beats strong.
There’s still life.
To openly listen.
You are strong.

You may feel sick.
You may vomit.
The pain may seem unbearable.
Yet it is so alive.
Not bypassed.
Nor projected.
No blame.
You are strong.

In deep vulnerability.
These times of great healing.
You may feel lonely.
You may yearn love.
You may wish to abscond.
Seek another or a fix.
Your love is all that’s needed.
Learn to love, to listen.
Sink deeper.
You are strong.

In raw aching pain.
You may feel there’s fault within.
You are perfect.
There is no blame.
Sink deeper into love.
Non judgement.
Embrace the pain.
This time you shan’t punish yourself.
Breathing with power.
You are strong.

For in this fragility.
Is true strength.
Truth.
Liberation.
You didn’t leave yourself this time.
Presence in the lostness.
You sank deeper.
You learnt to love the darkness.
Your wholeness.
Shadow and light intertwined.
Welcome home.

Bec Hart.