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BEING A WOMAN.

What being a women has taught me, is that life was not in the suffering, the denial, rejection, opression, objectification, abuse, manipulation, degrading, labelling and sexualisation.

All of which I have faced.

That wasn’t life but lessons.

The story will always be a part of my life, at times denied parts may rise and maybe my story may be shown through another yet it doesn’t have to be the guide any longer nor lead the way.

Grateful for the breaking of armour and the uncovering of my true essence.

We was and are life as we lay in the womb and life as we are now lay in the womb of the universe.

Power is in the ability to stay as strong as a tree at the core as the world falls around you,  not faltering or altering your authenticity by manipulating others and controlling the direction but to be true to your truth, compassion, self love and worth. Allowing our emotions, feelings and truth to be a guide but not our master.

Handing over the struggles and rising in God’s hands as we trust that all is in divine order within Mother/Father God’s plan.

Being a women is being in her truth, unlimited nurturing, love, creation, power, vulnerability, courage, depth, playfulness and forgiveness.
Healing hands without a touch nor plan to heal a thing.

This is the power of a women.

This power a man holds within him too. Repression of the feminine within. Also a lesson not a life plan.

Balance, the key to see.

I am grateful for all those who came before us and now stand beside us in and as the air, trees, breath, being, bones and grit of life.

Beyond grateful!

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY.

May our days be blessed.

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BEFRIENDING THE ENEMY.

How 24 hours can shift your reality.

Yesterday wasn’t an ordinary day as mentioned in my last blog, I felt like I had gone backwards, way back in time. Way back in time with a totally different perspective yet there were many realisations, many! It wasn’t a very nice place I went to admittedly.

The call for balance in my life was most definitely the most profound realisation, as I realise that I’ve somehow managed to become too focused on within and really would like to be outdoors more and socialising.

Fear was still playing it’s sad song in the background of my life preventing me from coming forward with my gifts, using the same old excuse of, “I don’t know how or nobody needs me, haven’t got a purpose.” Screams of coming last in everything as a child. Although last place/backwards is the best place to be as you get to see everything in full colour and surround sound.

I’d love to know if anyone else does this form of self sabotage to avoid shining in the spotlight (which may never even happen).

Today totally different mindset, I actually received a message off a friend who could truly see me. The power in someone acknowledging you is profound, you feel less alone with it somehow. What impact that has is something I could never ever explain. Just like how I somehow manage to travel around in time, maybe one day I will know more about this but it’s something I’ve done since I was really young. I remember certain events that happened say at 15 then I found out it occurred 10 years later but this was an event for me to remember as it was a guide for what I would be doing later in life.

This has happened to with artwork only for them to come true in my life at a later date or even uncovering past events and the connection between all.

My life feels unusual at times, I feel unusual at times. I’m not sure if it’s because I am or this is happening with lots of people and we don’t speak out because of fear.

I’m here speaking out, I’m not hiding anymore. I love all of me, even in the darkness and strangeness of reality – if there is such a thing.

Heart still a little tender today but I’m breathing and that is truly the basis of life.

I am alive.

addiction, Art, ascension, change, Children, Community, Connection, life, Messages, musings, parenting, philosophy, Poetry, rebirth, relationships, Revolution, spirituality, Trauma, Uncategorized

WHAT IF THEY SEE WHAT WE SEE.

WHAT IF THEY SEE WHAT WE SEE.

Should we hold a guard up.

Chase unavailable men.

Plan our life to perfection.

Re-Write words over and over again.

Should we do a spell check.

Oh wow there, he’s the one.

He’ll fix us inside.

We’ll do everything wrong.

What if they find us out.

We’re not perfect.

Oh, “that is so wrong.”

Here is a label.

Now there is somewhere “we belong.”

How can we prove oneself.

Get some results.

Agree with the masses.

This is real love!

Maybe run from a Partner.

Pretend its not time yet.

I need space.

She can’t see I’m imperfect.

Hey everyone, check out my CV.

It’s dripping in accolades.

Everyone wants part of me.

If they only knew our denied truths.

Dark, squashed deep inside.

They’d run a mile.

We’d be a recluse.

Dear Diary;

I’m digging you out.

The darkness is explosive.

There’s only one way out.

Denial of true essence.

Cannot take it, no more.

We’re not like the Jones’s.

No lies, no more.

We’re not very spiritual.

We get angry and sad.

I thought if I was honest.

I’d be labelled, bad!

Our bodies show stretch marks, cellulite and wobbly bits.

We don’t own a fit bit and frankly don’t give a shit.

There are scars from birth.

“You chose the easy way.”

What a lie that was.

They don’t see this though, hey.

There’s scars on my arms from years gone by.

I mutilated myself for being told I was bad.

The shame ate my insides.

The blame looped the outside lessons.

Old lovers say,

“Oh them, watch them they’re mad!”

They don’t see the destruction.

Of life through a filtered lens.

Just an opportunity to shine.

Cheese, smile, action.

Press send.

Poetry and artwork – Bec Hart.

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FEEL ME HERE.

FEEL ME HERE.

I couldn’t say, “I loved you,”
This was not as I didn’t care.
I loved you with every heartbeat.
At times the beat was barely there.
I switched off my vital feelings.
So I could live – to carry on.
When I passed away.
There weren’t a day,
I haven’t seen you.
Since I’ve been gone.
I know it wasn’t sudden.
Yet you still blame yourself.
Heal your health.
Forgive yourself.
There’s nothing you could have done.
You may not see me here.
You can feel me if you choose.
I love you more than ever.
Some things you never lose.

Art + poetry – Bec Hart.

Messages from spirit.

Connection, life, musings, Poetry, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

I’M NOT PERFECT.

I’M NOT PERFECT.

Forgive me.
Forgive me for my pain.
My raw, aching, bleeding heart.
At least that’s how it feels.
The loss.
The destruction.
The breaking and collapse.
The surging, pained, life surging through.
Caused by I.
Created by I.
Magnified by I.
Please have patience with me.
I may be delicate.
I won’t hold it all together.
I shan’t.
I can’t.
I won’t.
I allow myself to break.
Break the illusions.
To free the inner turmoil.
My masculine and feminine.
Begging to be heard.
To be seen.
To be at peace.
Yet struggling to find the balance.
Wounded war.
Deep, deep, deeper.
Still.
Outside reflecting the inner.
Projection of past.
Shame speaks.
How can I heal.
Lost in pain.
Deeper in self.
Down, down, down.
Deeper.
Breathing.
Wild.
Alive.
Delicate.
Still.

Bec Hart.

addiction, Art, ascension, change, Children, Community, Connection, Inner child, Intuitive, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, Revolution, spirituality, Trauma

PAIN AS MIRRORS – TO HEAL, TO FEEL.

PAIN AS MIRRORS – TO HEAL, TO FEEL.

You reached out to me I think.
Although I’m not sure.
Back then a blur.
Lost in my head.
I thought you cared.
I felt so much love for you.
You stood there yet you fled.
You wouldn’t take the time to hear me, see me, get to know me.
Mind games, playing with my head.
You stood as a brick wall.
I could feel your anger inside.
I was picking at your wounds too.
Projecting energetically, trying to fix my head.
There’s nothing wrong with me.
My insides bled.
I felt hurt, rejected, angry, betrayed.
I ran to you, to fix, to fix, to fix.
The bad girl I thought I was as a child.
Distraught, alone, heartbroken.
Unrequited love.
What can I do instead.

So many messages.
So many texts.
Calls when I say “NO.”
Please give it a rest.
They say, I know you can help me.
I love you.
What have I done wrong.
You’ve done nothing.
It’s my shame, blame and guilt.
They’re all singing an ear deafening song.
Nails on a chalkboard.
Skin crawling around.
I scream please give it a rest.
They don’t hear a sound.
I think leave me alone.
I’m not your Mother.
I’m not your home.
Nor am I your lover.
Your life does not lie within my hands.
The same responsibilities fed to me.
As childhood demands.
Anger boiling.
Here, me, now.
You don’t even see me.
I let the tears flow.
Rage screams.
I’m not a bad person.
Nor are you.
I hear me now.
I hear your screams too.

Mirror number thirty something….ninety five.
Why do I keep attracting this.
Am I evil inside.
How many more mirrors till you see.
Stop trying to flee will you.
The loud voice trying to speak inside of me.
There’s nowhere to run.
The darkness hits painfully.
Sexual advances.
Sensations as flames through my body.
Burning, intrusive.
Shaking profusely.
Vomit rising.
Memories haunting.
I tried to run, numb, avoid.
You didn’t hear my “NO.”
Daggers to my stomach,
Piercing, protruding.
Sexual advances.
Pornographic pictures.
It felt so abusive.
My sexual armour.
Induced this.
Thoughts;
What’s wrong with me.
I’ll never have a healthy relationship.
How’s this non-conducive.

Don’t run nor hide.
Come out to play.
It’s happening for you not to you.
Intimacy heals.
Feel, scream, release.
Feel all.
You can meet demons face to face.
Enter the pain.
It’s the only way.
I declare – no longer will this consume me.
I see they are in pain too.
Bringing feeling to each other’s wounds.
The dance we avoid.
This dance of wounding between two.

I decided to feel it all.
No need to run, numb nor hide.
I’m grateful to all those people.
The wounds they picked to show.
I needed to feel.
To say “NO.”
To heal.
To know my limits.
To truly love.
To truly see, feel and hear.
I’m not an object and nor are you.
A saint I’m not nor a sinner too.
I’ve played all roles,
This I cannot deny.
I’m not on a pedestal higher than high.
Just trying to be, day by day.
To grow.
To be love.
In my own unique way.

Bec Hart.

ascension, change, Connection, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

HOLDING ON – FROM ATTACHMENT TO FAITH.

HOLDING ON – FROM ATTACHMENT TO FAITH.

I have held on for far too long.
Far too many times.
I used to see it as a really negative trait.
Others saw it as love and forgiveness.
In the past it’s torn me.
Ripped me apart.
Leaving nothing but an empty shell.
A trail of unhealthy relationships.
Self harm.
Enough body armour for a war.
No love for oneself.
A huge desire for validation.
Unhealthy attachments.
Wondering what was wrong with me.
Why could I not be loved.
I was forced to change.
The only resolve, to take ownership of all.

Years pass, deep work.
Many lessons.
I can still hold on for too long.
Mainly now by faith not attachment.
I am aware now.
I call it to assist.
It’s stripped me of all I’m not.
It has been quite painful at times.
Deepened my connection to self and source. Powered me into my worth.
I’ve been taught endurance.
Patience.
Acceptance.
Self respect.
Forgiveness.
Self love.
I realise it can be a great quality.
I work with life.
Yet I’m in no way perfect.

I’m not one to run away when things get tough.
What I’ve discovered is.
There is vast strength in remaining neutral.
Breathing into discomfort.
Acknowledgment of that which arises within.
We can never truly run away anyway.
When we run we’re only ever running from ourselves.
When we chase we’re only ever looking for ourselves.
Exhausting.
Painful.
Truly haunting.
Liberation reveals itself when we stop chasing the invisible man.
Freedom appears when we’re present with all of us, with no preference of state.

Bec Hart.