ascension, life, musings, philosophy, Poetry, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

I CHOOSE YOU!

DEAR ANXIETY.

I feel the storm brewing alive.
An earthquake.
A volcanic eruption.
Bubbling inside.

This time I won’t run.
This time I won’t hide.
I welcome you.
I call to you.
I’m here.
Arms open wide.

Speak louder.
Show me that wish you wish me to hear.
This time I won’t numb.
This time I don’t fear.

I take a strong coffee.
For the first time in years.
To strengthen your call.
Tell me dear one.
Why are you here?

Observing.
Feeling.
Tasting.
Alive.
I cry.
Happy tears.
I can feel.
I can thrive.

Anxiety I accept, all of your call.
I’m here, I am breathing.
No need to survive.
As there’s nowhere to fall.

Bec Hart.

addiction, ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

CRACKED OPEN FOR THE LIGHT TO SHINE.

You’ve hidden the traumas, repressed your feelings and emotions. Denied your pain, dissociated from your reality, escaped through addiction and separated from yourself and all. Reality strikes, it’s a very long, complicated journey home.

Just when you feel you’ve got somewhere after years of deep change, through so many ways of listening to your body, your intuition, break ups, breakthroughs, self hate, self love, overcoming chronic health conditions, not seeking to escape and seeing the light in the dark and the colours inbetween.

Life is not going to become a magic carpet ride with rainbows, fluffy clouds and dancing unicorns.

When you’ve repressed so much it takes a lot to break you open, to crack down the walls, to expose the stomach riddled shame, the blame, the guilt, the deep crushing unworthiness and the projections/assaults of integrity you took on as your own because you thought you were damaged, evil, bad, ugly, crazy. Finding that it’s forgiving yourself that’s the most intensively, raw, radical gift yet so difficult to accept, to do, to be.

It’s not just trauma, pain, toxins, destruction held in the mind but also held so very deeply in the body. Through the organs, tissues, cells. There are no quick fixes, it’s painful, frustrating and irritating but there is however vast amounts of wisdom, humbling gratitude and radical love and compassion to be found. There’s creativity bursting through the inspiration of the cycles.

Life brings on more events not to punish you but to break free the repressed life, the hidden sensations, the barriers, the blocks, the walls. To free the pain, to melt the numbness, to crack your heart open and expose the hidden powerlessness. The victim, the perpetrator, the child, the teen, the broken adult that once was and the powerful, unwavering light that now is.

Allowing you to take ownership, to allow for all and breathe into the life, breathe into the vulnerability, the sensations. The deep, dark, driven depth of all that we unconsciously created to avoid this very moment where our world feels like it’s crumbling into a pit of despair.

Only to breakthrough the illusion on your quivering, lifeless, weak knees to realise in having nothing we have everything. In losing everything we find all. In this darkness there has to be light.

Today may feel like death. Your world may be upside down, you may feel so alone. You may have regrets, feel you could have done more.

Dear one place your hands on your heart and feel your heart beat, feel the breath; cool – warm, cool – warm, cradle your arms around your quivering body and look how you’ve not escaped this time, feel that deep love and acceptance, the worth that you are and always have been.

You’re here alone yet never alone, held by all. You didn’t abandon yourself, did you! That’s true strength and power.

Knowing that today may feel like death. Endings, raw nerves piercing through your bare, fragile skin. Allow for this but know at some point soon death brings fresh life, your story is not over, it’s just begun.

Observe how alive you are in this moment, no judgements good nor bad just an experience, one of many. Filled with colour, so very many colours, lessons, aliveness.

This is life.

Life bursting through the seams.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

FALLING IN LOVE WITH LOVE.

FALLING IN LOVE WITH LOVE.

If we choose to solely focus upon that which we feel for another.

The feelings that arise when we think, contact or relate to another.

We are falling in love with a temporary state or an illusion as such.

For we aren’t our feelings they are reactions.

That which we see in another is a mirror of us so our feelings, from my perception stem from our relationship with self.

When we can connect with another and feel that flow, we feel understood and this feels good.

We can see ourselves in them and this can create a bleed through if we aren’t aware that we aren’t our feelings and what we feel isn’t them or the basis of the “relationship.”

We are falling in or out of love with parts of self in that moment in the mirrored other.

Until we accept ourself fully in our vast array of colours, waves, perfections, imperfections and states, we can run the risk of the push and pull dynamic, dependency, rejection, conditions and attachments in a relationship.

Two halves merges into a whole.

Two wholes intertwine and rise.

Seeing someone in their wholeness, all colours, all flavours, with no attachment to who they are or should be allows for us the see the genuine other in their truth at each given moment.

I see you.

I hear you.

I feel you.

We are love, it’s not something that is found or fought for.

It’s our natural state.

In fullness.

Wholeness.

In laughter and pain.

Love doesn’t waver.

It just is.

Bec Hart.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

THEY SAID I WAS CRAZY.

THEY SAID I WAS CRAZY.

They said I was crazy, I used to believe them.

I stripped my whole being down in an attempt to fix my insanity.

I drank to hide my insanity, the alcohol fuelled my anger and pain yet numbed my craziness.

I stayed in unhealthy relationships as they were the only ones who would want someone who’s crazy, this is what I was told, this I believed.

I disowned myself as there was something so seriously wrong with me. I was crazy I had been told by many.

I was unloveable and I would never be happy as I was crazy, who would want me. I held on feared letting go, I broke into many pieces a shell of myself, I felt crazy.

I wasn’t to speak out or I’d be shut down and have it reaffirmed that I was crazy, psycho, lying again, something seriously wrong with me.

I was angry, rageful, unhinged each time I was broken beyond my limit. Again something very wrong with me because I should accept I was crazy and sit in a corner quiet, pretty, unheard.

I took ownership of my own ship, I chose self love.

I started to see the truth – I was a game changer, I see life through a different lens, I am here to create change, stand strong, be seen and heard!

Crazy is actually sanity, sanity in an environment of denial.

I wasn’t crazy I was seeing and feeling through an illusion that others did not wish to see.

I was telling truths when others were denying reality, it’s easier to call someone crazy than to take ownership, face change.

Change is scary, fear takes over, it’s not me its you – you’re crazy!

You show your emotions oh well here’s a label, “you’re crazy.”

It’s time to wake up, to take back our power and realise if we’ve ever been labelled as crazy, it’s because we are seen as different.

We open eyes, we speak and live a truth that triggers people into feeling their hidden pain, wounding, authenticity.

That’s difficult for some to accept so it’s easier to shut us down, strip us of our dignity and label us rather than admit they are scared, in pain, lost and also feeling disconnected. Something that both are feeling simultaneously.

We can choose to keep ourselves locked in this cycle of feeling like there’s something wrong with us, seeking validation, projecting, self harming, victim vs perpetrator, being a label, fitting in, seeking the invisible.

Or we can embrace that being true to ourselves, original, authentic, honest, sensitive – isn’t crazy, it’s craze free.

How do you see me, I am merely your mirror?

Crazy or craze free!

Bec Hart.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

I’M A WARRIOR.

I’M A WARRIOR.

I don’t need to be told who I am.
I already know who I am.
For it’s taken me a long time of pretending to be everything that I am not, to get here.
Walls torn down.
Tower cracked to pieces.
Body bled out.
Self induced poison neutralised.
Forgiveness the element of peace.

Foundations built on solid ground.
Body layed bare.
Exposed, open, honest, passionate.
A mirror of truth.
Do you like what you see.
Do you project and glare.
Do you undress me with your eyes.
Down boy, I’m here and you’re not there.

I need not to be told my strengths and weaknesses.
For I know myself deeper than the ocean.
I know my capabilities.
My imperfections.
I accept all of me.
Of this I’m sure you see.

Love vibrates at my deepest core.
I need not explain myself anymore.
Nor make apologies for speaking out.
In a world that promotes ladies being seen and not heard.
I am here to say, I am here to be heard and seen.
I say this loud and clear.
I make no apologies.
Sometimes silence speaks the loudest words.

I’m built of self respect.
I am filled and flowing with all colours.
I am here to be love.
To understand.
To peacemake.
To be true.
Yet to speak out all at the same time.
That’s what warriors do.

I’m here as I am.
Take me or leave me.
This is your personal choice.
I am a warrior.
You may as well give up the fight.
Embrace your truth and self.
Lay down the war within without.
Declare you are a warrior too.

Bec Hart.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

WHEN YOU CAN’T SEE THE TRUTH.

Sometimes when wounds are so deep and so deeply buried we can’t actually see them until our teachers, life mirrors reinact the scenario for us to truly “see.”

Yesterday I did a video on standing in my power and boundaries, it was like going backwards through the steps to see what on earth was going on. After it still falling on deaf ears I was getting seriously frustrated and feeling separation although I wasn’t getting lost in it like the beginning of April when this came up then.

I affirmed to myself, I’m here I’m not going to lose myself. Whilst opening my heart, falling deeper into self love and knowing regardless of what was occurring, we are all equal.

Asking the question what am I being shown, what’s the higher perspective.

All along I’d been wondering if it’s my mirror and couldn’t seem to feel what I was being shown because I was looking at it from a totally different angle.

In reality, I hadn’t forgiven myself for shutting down and going into a constant freeze state from when I was in a relationship where no wouldn’t be taken as an answer. Thus attracting in situations where I wasn’t being heard, seen and was being constantly bombarded with unwanted advances, (mirrored experience).

I was being shown that my past was causing separation within myself therefore without.

Buried trauma isn’t always very accessible, it takes a lot of courage, patience and triggering to see and delve into those dark hidden parts, to find the terror ridden child, adult etc. So it’s not so much about new patterns or a new way of being or that we are going backwards, it’s more the light flooding the darkness to reveal that which we’ve repressed, numbed and denied within self.

To hold, forgive and be with ourselves once again, just as we were before, yet with a little more light, insight and wisdom. Patience, kindness and compassion for self. There is no rush.

Submerging into deeper self love, deeper forgiveness and acceptance.
Knowing all of our answers, healing, codes and light lie deep within ourselves.

Always a lesson 🙏❤ Blessings in disguise.

Much love.

Bec Hart.

ascension, life, musings, rebirth, relationships, spirituality, Trauma

TRAUMA RESPONSE VS A NEW WAY OF BEING.

TRAUMA RESPONSE VS A NEW WAY OF BEING.

Why choose to see things my way when I can see things our way.
In every moment we can choose to look at life from a new perspective, through the eyes of a child, with intrigue, interest.
Through the eyes of another as we are all.
We are all versions of self, mirrors from past, present, future.
Choosing to see ourselves in another, their essence of love.
Allowing a beautiful journey of personal self love to unfold; compassion, acceptance, non judgement, forgiveness.
A flower opening to the sun, ready to bloom.
We can be the one we needed as well as the one we are.
Today I choose to see life through a new lens, a life in the new.
There’s nothing to survive anymore yet everything to live for.

Bec Hart.