Today I’ve had opportunities to address boundaries, unconscious, selfishness, respect, free will.
To address the rights and free will of others not only myself.
I went to hospital today, a place I generally avoid.
I had no choice but to wear a mask.
At first I was reluctant.
I went deeper into this wondering how I can bring awareness and acceptance into this situation.
I see masks and now shields (visor masks) all speaking volumes through symbology.
I look to when I was working in a lab and I was wearing masks, gloves (I’m just waiting for the ear guards to come out next 🤣).
This place of work was pretty traumatic, poisoning, unfair wages, humiliation, unfair treatment etc etc, my friend used to call me Erin Brochovich, that film found me lately too, never a coincidence.
I see now most of that was a mirror for how I was treating myself.
I created my reality even when I couldn’t see.
So I really wanted to open up to what may be laying unconscious that’s projecting these visuals into my reality.
The distancing between people also like a shield – distrust, repelling closeness, boundaries, separation.
The appearance of judgement from others very polarised.
Attention from others – a mask given for the truth of what’s truly needed and wanted – connection, truth and intimacy.
A sign to show I am not aligned to receive.
A sign to show where I needed to hear and be with myself.
In the past I would have refused to wear the mask or begged to wear a mask – both induced by fear.
Today however, I felt into the deep compassion for how it feels to live in fear.
How by me refusing to wear a mask or even needing to be right and have rights etc was a projection of pain yet a denial of actually truly feeling.
I’ve been consuming ice cream lately, I don’t eat ice cream generally.
I know I’ve been avoiding feeling because what wants to come through has been hidden a long time.
It’s been stuffed down most of my life.
The ice cream the connection from when it first started….this will make it better.
I’ve been shown a lot today, copious ways I used to distract myself popping up as now thoughts to get my attention.
Fully realising none of these were about now just parts returning needing reflection, awareness, integration, realisation.
I wore the mask, I realised by not wearing a mask I would actually be trampling over other people’s boundaries, their safety net, their right.
It’s not harming me in any way wearing a mask, I don’t need to be heard of how they don’t work and be right about it etc.
Maybe someone needs to feel that protection, that safety.
Who am I to deny that through selfishness.
It would be selfishness as I have absolutely no reason to oppose wearing one in honesty.
There are truly no set rights and wrongs.
Perspectives based upon our lens of reality.
Opportunities breathing life, deeper ways to love, be compassionate and to understand.
This journey humbles me so much.
The NHS I’ve struggled with so much because of how I was treated.
Now I understand though, you cannot see what you cannot see.
I CHOOSE to see.
I do not wish to remain blind to others needs.
I don’t have to sacrifice mine either.
All an opportunity, shown in very distinct ways.
I appreciate everyone and where they are in their journey, I feel I’m beginning to truly understand (If we ever can).
When all is connected, again there cannot be seperation as such.
I’m sorry to anyone I’ve not heard or seen, I apologise for crashing through your boundaries, I’m sorry for projecting at you or oppressing you through my need to be right, through fear.
I hold deep forgiveness to those who have done this to me also.
I’m not perfect.
I love the humaness of life.
My soul rejoices.
Life – you never know what’s next.
We’re together in this.
All of us – non selective.
Reflections/musings – Helen Rebecca Hart.