ascension, life, musings, relationships, spirituality



I don’t desire to hear about transcending emotions and denying true feelings.
This isn’t true for me.
I desire to listen to my body and what it tells me with it’s vast sensory knowledge and strong sensitivities.
We have feelings yet we aren’t feelings, we’re human.
Soul and body, body and soul.
I don’t choose to absorb any projections yet I do understand.
I understand as I too once was really hurting and I projected too.
I trusted everyone apart from myself.
Then I trusted myself and nobody else.
Stuck in survival mode seeing all as a threat:
A trigger, a perpetrator, a victim a monster or a saviour.
I played all parts unconsciously, consciously yet intertwined.
Truly stuck in a web of deception, illusion and lies.
I don’t want to hear “I’m good, choose happiness” when I see in your eyes and feel in your energy you are far from that.
Yet some spirituality mirrors earlier conditioned ways teaching us to avoid our pain, our emotions, our feelings – be happy create your dream reality.
It reminds me of my drinking days, that made me happy for a while then it poisoned my system and ravaged my mind.
Talk to me about how you truly feel and what it feels like to break open, to shatter, to fall to the floor and to crawl back up still loving yourself and not throwing yourself in the fire of self hatred and judgement.
Show me the true you, the one who can admit they aren’t perfect and are riddled with doubt yet solutions both at the same time.
Show me how vulnerable you feel to feel the strength of someone who can speak their truth so you put them down to look strong.
Strength would be seeing yourself, the mirror that is you standing in that person and admitting you are deeply hurting, that’s why you lashed out, that’s when you’re strong.
I’m not going to judge you!
I’m tired of judging myself – it’s boring now.
You see when we push away our feminine or masculine our divinity within it creates the same effect without.
Likewise if you push away the masculine and feminine in your outer reality you seperate the masculine and feminine within.
Lack of connection.
Self hate.
Self harm.
Rage fuelling your life, drama filling your cup.
If only you allow yourself to break, to fall, to cry, to laugh, to sing.
To free yourself from the memories that are replaying constantly.
The children trapped within begging you to set them free.
See when I see you I don’t feel anger.
I don’t see us on different levels.
I don’t need to engage.
I observe, I pray.
I feel love, as I see me.

Bec Hart.

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