From the outside looking our lives are not how most have expressed and perceived it to be, only we truly know our actual reality.
In a world where we are taught to wear masks, hide feelings, seek outside of ourselves we can easily look to another and compare what we are or aren’t.
I really wanted to write about this as I feel it’s something that needs to be openly acknowledged and expressed.
It’s something that needs to be heard, felt and undressed to it’s raw, naked, authentic bones.
We can look to social media the photos, the statuses, the endless flow of information.
The good, the bad, the ugly.
We may judge, assume, compare.
What assumptions have you made of me for example?
I’ve been told I’m wealthy, successful, married, single, kind, unkind, crazy, talented, unhinged, real, false, pretty, ugly, sexy, a tease, angelic, ignorant….the list goes on.
Labels bore me!
Spiritual bypassing annoys me!
I’d really like you to feel into this, who do you see me as?
Who do you see yourself as?
I’m your reflection as you are mine, we are one yet not – shadow, light interwined.
Do you see light, dark, shame, anger, rage, empowerment, love, compassion and all that’s inbetween. Do you project your denied parts onto me.
Do you compare yourself, do you see yourself as better, less or the same?
So truth is I’m pretty much an introvert although I’m great around people too and love adventure and exploration, I totally need balance.
Balance to me is the key to life in all.
Time to self, it’s so important, yet so understated. It can be judged as selfishness when it truly isn’t.
Could you eat your vegetables, your life source if nobody bothered to water them and they shrivelled up into a dried, lifeless state of existence?
I am seriously in tune with my body, mind and soul. I know exactly what’s going on in there, as emotions arise I love to feel them, create from them and express them vividly, raw, exposed.
To me this is authenticity, being your truth, accepting all that arises shaming no parts, feeling all, observing all, deep submersion, radical self love.
My journey, the road home with self love as the now medicine.
Previously fuelled from the severe self hate I had deeply embedded in my core and external obsessions of needing someone or something to “fix me.”
Success what is success, we are success.
I’m self employed, it is far from easy I have learned so much and my business is taking time to be noticed and thrive.
I like others have struggled to pay bills then the universe sends me a donation at the last moment, never letting me down, so much faith needed.
Laying firm foundations I’ve found is essential and the brickwork has toppled more times than I care to explain.
It’s frustrating yet so rewarding. I could easily give in, think I’m shit, throw a pity party, compare myself to others (which at times I have), which is ok. In truth I don’t know their story, just merely a concocted idea in my mind, an assumption with self punishment behind it yet I no longer lose myself which is serious progress.
I have faith though, I have faith in divine timing and that all happens for a reason. I’m not wealthy externally just yet but internally I am overflowing with love and abundance.
This most definitely is why my business has given me so many lessons, so much struggle. I can not be shaken externally if my core is strong within. So much wisdom, so much strength and courage and yes it has truly broke me at times, the fear, the unknown, the unworthiness, the lack of money.
It’s broke me so I can see my value isn’t in an external gain; situations, places, things yet I’m always provided for.
This also reflected in relationships as in my past I looked to others to fill those voids; the loneliness, the self hate, the desperate child within wanting safety, security, understanding, love.
Always wondering what was wrong with me, what had I done wrong, why weren’t I good enough when I wasn’t seeing “positive” results on the outside.
In fact I could probably say that every area of life externally has been starved of oxygen so that I could go within and work inside out.
The universe is wise, it has a master plan.
Life’s tough, this journey isn’t for the faint hearted, there is no good or bad it’s all a colourful journey and in that is acceptance for all.
Just a short reflection, am I the person you perceived?
Maybe this can help us all see we are all where we need to be, nobody better nor less and all with their own unique gifts and lessons.
So many blessings in our lessons, our lives, our stories, our true selves.
Allow yourself to see, allow yourself to be free.