TO BE SEEN.
I didn’t change.
I didn’t get taken over by zombies.
I didn’t join a cult.
I didn’t want attention.
I didn’t get brainwashed by another.
I didn’t make it up.
I didn’t lie.
I was never crazy.
Truth is I’ve always been here.
I’ve always been real.
I’ve always seen life through a different lense.
In life I tried to speak out.
From a young age I tried to speak out.
When I spoke out I was shut down.
All my life shut down;
I was made to feel like I was wrong.
I was delusional.
I was crazy.
I was evil.
So I hid.
I hid my truth behind a mask.
Behind a false smile.
I kept myself busy.
I numbed myself with alcohol.
I sought validation in relationships.
I feared life, myself and everyone else.
Throughout my life.
An obvious pattern of being shutdown.
Handing over my power.
Trying to explain myself.
Trying to fit in by doing things I didn’t want to.
Saying yes when I truly meant no.
Trying to be heard.
Trying to be liked.
I realised I was speaking to the wrong people.
Trying to gain validation.
Trying to gain love and acceptance.
For the wrong reasons.
To feel understood.
To be a part of “normality.”
To fit in.
Now I see and feel truth, I see the gifts my past delivered, I thank you all and I thank myself!
You’ve taught me;
I’ve been taught that being unique, having a voice, being true to self is an honour.
You’ve taught me that love, trust, wisdom, truth all comes from within.
I am all I sought.
That’s why I felt so lost.
You cannot find that which you are.
I am truth.
I am love.
I am peace.
I am compassion.
I am unity.
I am all.
We are all.
The illusion is that there is a victim and a perpetrator in all of this.
The truth is we all come from a place of pain or love.
People hurting people.
In turn hurting self.
Pain attracts pain.
Love attracts love.
Unhealed attracts unhealed.
Wholeness attracts wholeness.
When I was being attacked externally, I was attacking myself from the inside, I take full ownership for this.
An illusion of no illusion.
I am my truth.
I am my authority.
Nobody can ever take that away.
Today I share my voice without fear.
I am grateful for life.
I am deeply humbled.
For all of its colours.
I love myself and in turn I love you.
I am grateful for being held unconditionally by source even when I failed to truly believe.
It is in those darkest times I was held the most, I see that now.
The truth is my light shines so bright because I have faced the deepest darkness and got truly lost.
The paradox is that it was in that darkness I found pure light.
Through control I gained liberation.
Through torture I became unconditional love.
When I thought I was nothing, I realised I am everything.
Through hell I found heaven.
That lies here on Earth.
There is no destination.
There is just here and now.