ascension, life, relationships, Trauma

FROM VICTIM TO NEUTRALITY.

TO BE SEEN.

I didn’t change.
I didn’t get taken over by zombies.
I didn’t join a cult.
I didn’t want attention.
I didn’t get brainwashed by another.
I didn’t make it up.
I didn’t lie.
I was never crazy.

Truth is I’ve always been here.
I’ve always been real.
I’ve always seen life through a different lense.
In life I tried to speak out.
From a young age I tried to speak out.
When I spoke out I was shut down.
All my life shut down;
Physical attacks.
Verbal attacks.
Triangulation.
Bullying.
Vendettas.
Smear campaigns.
Rapes.

I was made to feel like I was wrong.
I was delusional.
I was crazy.
I was evil.
So I hid.
I hid my truth behind a mask.
Behind a false smile.
I kept myself busy.
I numbed myself with alcohol.
I sought validation in relationships.
I feared life, myself and everyone else.

Throughout my life.
An obvious pattern of being shutdown.
Feeling victimised.
Reacting.
Hurting others.
Self harming.
Punishing myself.
Handing over my power.
Giving up.
Suicide attempts.

Trying to explain myself.
Trying to fit in by doing things I didn’t want to.
Saying yes when I truly meant no.
Trying to be heard.
Trying to be liked.

I realised I was speaking to the wrong people.
Trying to gain validation.
Trying to gain love and acceptance.
Craving love.
For the wrong reasons.
To feel understood.
To be a part of “normality.”
To fit in.

Now I see and feel truth, I see the gifts my past delivered, I thank you all and I thank myself!

You’ve taught me;

Forgiveness.
Self love.
Honesty.
Self trust.
Self respect.
Self realisation.
Creativity.
Authenticity.
Justice.
Honour.
Acceptance.
Surrender.
Determination.
Patience.
Peace.
Neutrality.
Balance.
Unconditional love.
Non attachment.
Flow.
Strength.

I’ve been taught that being unique, having a voice, being true to self is an honour.

You’ve taught me that love, trust, wisdom, truth all comes from within.

I am all I sought.
That’s why I felt so lost.
You cannot find that which you are.

I am truth.
I am love.
I am peace.
I am compassion.
I am unity.
I am all.
We are all.
I am.
You are.
We are.

The illusion is that there is a victim and a perpetrator in all of this.

The truth is we all come from a place of pain or love.

People hurting people.

In turn hurting self.

Pain attracts pain.

Love attracts love.

Unhealed attracts unhealed.

Wholeness attracts wholeness.

When I was being attacked externally, I was attacking myself from the inside, I take full ownership for this.

A mirror.

An illusion of no illusion.

I am my truth.

I am my authority.

Nobody can ever take that away.

Today I share my voice without fear.

I am grateful for life.

I am deeply humbled.

For all of its colours.

It’s wealth.

I love myself and in turn I love you.

I am grateful for being held unconditionally by source even when I failed to truly believe.
It is in those darkest times I was held the most, I see that now.

The truth is my light shines so bright because I have faced the deepest darkness and got truly lost.

The paradox is that it was in that darkness I found pure light.

Through control I gained liberation.
Through torture I became unconditional love.
When I thought I was nothing, I realised I am everything.
Through hell I found heaven.
That lies here on Earth.
There is no destination.
There is just here and now.

Bec Hart.

2 thoughts on “FROM VICTIM TO NEUTRALITY.”

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