relationships

Dissolution of my imagined life.

In this space of despair. Feeling like my whole world is yet again crumbling around me. Trying to hold on yet knowing I need to let go. Everything I have worked on once again crumbled into nothingness leaving me wondering if I am truly on the right path or merely in a state of continuous illusion.

Who am I, where am I, what’s my purpose.

My mind takes over and tries to rescue me, we get lost in the process. I fall deeper into the feelings of lack, not being enough and not trusting the universe or my path. Old, lost emotions and traumas appear like wounds cut with a knife guided by my very own hand. I see these friends are lost and need guiding home.

Deeper, deeper, sinking deeper!

I start to question everything, this holographic life, this game, this existence. Losing myself once more in my self imposed victim stance of reality; why me, why me, why not me?

Continuous thoughts flowing through my mind of a man, of a certain man. This man walks through my dreams, he appears in my mind, the signs, the synchronicities am I losing my mind? The not knowing ravages my mind.

Realising it’s time to go within. Lost yet found in the silence, the place of acceptance of all that shows and flows.

All becomes so clear, so very clear that our immediate perception creates our current state of reality. I see the wealth of the situation, the beauty of the dying, the wonder of the mystery and the explosion of power and wisdom that’s gifted to me and allows me to grow.

My heart space, my saviour, my love.

I realise I don’t need to know, the experience is in each given moment. It is in living, breathing, acceptance. This space, void, time and reality. The mystery is part of the journey not a mere frustration or a block as the mind would lead us to perceive.

Search as we may we shall never find, as there is nothing to find! For what you seek, is already here.

The miracle of life we can’t always perceive.
At times we dream yet don’t truly believe.
Your depth captures my mind.
Like a flash to a light.
Your eyes are as stars.
So captivating, so bright.
I tried to reach out with
true poetic words.
Vulnerable, naked, raw.
Most notably unheard.
For some reason your face appears in my mind.
More so in dream state.
Am I losing my mind.
I surrender the need
for answers just now.
I give up the when’s, how’s
and absorb each moment,
of now!

4 thoughts on “Dissolution of my imagined life.”

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